


want you to want me again

by letowrites



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Ex-Boyfriends, Flashbacks, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Only One Bed, emotionally constipated men who refuse to communicate properly, haha is it..
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:01:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28128819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letowrites/pseuds/letowrites
Summary: Yeah, the members share beds all the time.Minhoand he used to share beds all the time, practically every night, but Minho isn’t just one of hismembersanymore. Minho is his ex-boyfriend, the one that he’s still pathetically in love with.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 15
Kudos: 130





	want you to want me again

**Author's Note:**

> this was literally only supposed to be max 2k.. I don't know what happened 
> 
> this is my first time writing hyunho!! I love them a lot and got tired of constantly refreshing their ao3 tag and finding nothing new :( so here is my contribution 
> 
> I have more hyunho wips in the work that hopefully end up being more lighthearted than this but enjoy ! not beta read, we die like men :D

“Oh.” Well, _fuck_.

Hyunjin is currently standing in the middle of a hotel room, bags dropped on either side of the floor beside him. Normally, Hyunjin would be bouncing up and down in excitement; he loves hotel rooms. There’s always the knowledge of freedom, fun, and good times to come when you’re in a hotel room. There shouldn’t be anything different about today, about this hotel room. They’d just landed in America for their first tour date. Hyunjin should be filled with nerves of excitement for the days to come, except. Well.

Except that there’s only one bed in a room. What a fucking cliche. 

Out of all the situations Hyunjin could have found himself in. He doesn’t know whether to laugh at himself until he cries or just skip the intro and get straight to the hysterical sobbing. He puts a pause on the breakdown before he can actually get to that point, forcing himself to take a deep breath. It’s not a big deal, it _isn’t_. The members share beds all the time. They _like_ sharing beds, it’s not like it’s a big secret that the majority of them — if not all — are major cuddle bugs, constantly clinging to one another. There shouldn’t be any reason for Hyunjin to be freaking out, there isn’t _supposed_ to be, not with the promise he made to the group; a promise to not let anything get in the way of their team.

“Oh.” A voice comes up from behind him, echoing his earlier statement. 

When Hyunjin turns, it’s to see Minho stepping out from the bathroom, having forgoed looking at the rest of the room first to take a much needed bathroom break after their long flight. His luggage is still by the door, but he doesn’t make a move towards it, instead looking straight at the sole bed in the middle of the room. He only looks away to meet Hyunjin’s gaze, holding it for a brief, tense moment. 

Hyunjin breaks eye contact and returns to his previous position, back facing towards Minho. “Looks like they forgot to rebook the rooms, hyung. Don’t worry, I’ll text manager-nim,” Hyunjin says. He doesn’t give Minho a chance to respond, though, swiftly moving past Minho and into the bathroom, locking the door once he’s inside. 

Hyunjin sighs, anxiety creeping up his stomach and into his ribcage, securing its grip around his heart. With it, there comes a hand wrapping itself around his lungs, threatening to pull him into the chasm of emotions he’s forced himself to not touch, to not even acknowledge, for the past month until he can’t breathe under the weight.

Hyunjin is getting sick of this feeling. 

It’s been a month since he and Minho broke up. A month since Hyunjin was left alone, standing in the middle of a practice room with tears streaming down his face, the soft thrum of the music he was practicing to playing in the background. Yeah, the members share beds all the time. _Minho_ and he used to share beds all the time, practically every night, but Minho isn’t just one of his _members_ anymore. Minho is his ex-boyfriend, the one that he’s still pathetically in love with.

Of course, their manager would forget. Hyunjin doesn’t know why he expected him to remember his request to change Hyunjin and Minho’s single hotel rooms to doubles during the tour. The only people who even knew about Hyunjin and Minho’s relationship were the other members and one of their managers for safety reasons. Hyunjin wouldn’t be surprised if the staff behind their hotel bookings found the request odd and just pushed it to the side. It already took a lot of bribing to get the one manager who did know about their relationship to book them a single room, edging him on by the fact that it would be cost efficient. 

Hyunjin remembers their manager’s pained face, muttering to himself about young love and how they were going to run him into an early grave. Hyunjin had giggled at the display, Minho at his side, pestering their manager even more until he eventually gave in. 

A week before they were set to leave for America, Hyunjin had pulled that same manager aside and privately asked him if he could change their rooms back to doubles, at least, only to be informed that Minho had already made the same request. He had said that he would try his best, but made no promises. There was a tinge of pain in his heart, Hyunjin no doubt sure that it was also written plainly across his face if the pitying glance his manager sent him said anything. It was ridiculous, here Hyunjin was getting hurt that his ex-boyfriend made the same request he was currently making. But feelings don’t always make sense and all he recalls wondering was if Minho was that desperate to get away from him. 

Hyunjin had completely pushed the issue to the back of his mind, assuming their manager would pull through for them like he did the first time, but apparently, _obviously_ , that wasn’t the case.

He pulls his phone out from his back pocket, opening Kakaotalk to shoot a quick message to their manager, clearly detailing his panic. While waiting for a reply, Hyunjin turns the faucet on and splashes his face with some cold water. He takes a moment to just breathe, water dripping from his face and onto the floor beneath him. Calm down. Now was _not_ the time to cry and he doesn’t want any hint of his emotions displayed on his face. Once Hyunjin’s face is dry, he opens up his phone to check his messages, a sinking feeling settling in his chest once he sees his manager’s reply. He was apologizing, saying it had completely slipped his mind due to their hectic pre-tour schedule. The front desk had apparently said it was too late for any changes, considering they were well into the evening, and as all double rooms were already occupied by now. He would get it sorted out before their next tour stop to ensure it doesn’t happen again, but for now there was nothing he could do. 

Hyunjin sent a quick message back thanking him anyways, it wasn’t their managers fault that Hyunjin and Minho couldn’t function together, before leaving the bathroom. He already hates everything about this situation. And now, on top of that, he has to go break the news to Minho. 

Briefly, the idea to message the other members and beg someone, _anyone_ , to switch with him crosses Hyunjin’s mind, but he quickly casts it aside. Hyunjin wasn’t the one who broke up with Minho. If anything, Minho should be the one asking the other members to switch out of consideration for Hyunjin. For some reason, though, that idea left a bad taste in Hyunjin’s mouth. So, no, he would not be switching rooms. His pride was too big for that. He didn’t want Minho to know that his presence still affected Hyunjin so he decided to stand his ground. Any steps to deal with this wouldn’t be done by him. 

Ugh, great. Now he’s angry at a man who doesn’t even know what’s happening. Whatever.

Minho is sitting on the edge of the bed when he comes back, mindlessly scrolling through his phone. His suitcase is still zipped up, but now it lays beside him instead of by the door. It looks like he didn’t know whether he should be unpacking or not. Weird. 

“Hyung,” Hyunjin calls out. When Minho looks up at him, eyes widening the tiniest bit, Hyunjin offers him a small smile. “Manager said that all the other double rooms are booked now so. Um, yeah..” Hyunjin trails off, unsure of how to end his sentence. Jesus, get it together, Hyunjin. “We’re stuck with this room for the night, at least, if not for the rest of the stay here.”

Minho keeps looking at him blankly. It feels like he’s looking right through Hyunjin, like he can see what the younger is actually feeling about this situation. Hyunjin had always felt bare underneath Minho’s gaze when they were dating. And from even before. He guesses it’s still the same now. No matter what the circumstances were, it feels like Hyunjin can never hide anything from him. Maybe it was why the older eventually called it quits. Despite trying his best, Hyunjin couldn’t mask how unhappy he was towards the end. He assumed Minho got tired of pretending that Hyunjin wasn’t too. 

Hyunjin scoffs internally. It’s not like Minho had tried to change anything either. Whatever, Hyunjin reminds himself _again_ , this is not the point right now.

Thankfully, instead of pushing the topic, Minho just nods back at him. “Okay. I can take the left side of the bed.”

Hyunjin’s eye twitches. _Bastard_ , he thinks. Whenever they used to share a bed, Hyunjin would only be able to get a good night’s rest if he was on the right side of the bed and he _knows_ Minho knows that. _Minho_ knows Hyunjin knows Minho knows that too. He would always tease him about it too, that Hyunjin was turning them into an old married couple when they haven’t even left their early twenties. Like it was Hyunjin’s fault that his body demanded it or else it wouldn’t let him sleep. 

( _Are you sure you’re not older than hyung is, Hyunjinnie?_

Minho ran his hands up Hyunjin’s sides, tickling him until he turned into a mess of giggles and screeches of _hyung, stop!_ under him.

 _You’re so cute._ The older grinned down at him, eyes twinkling like starlight. Hyunjin stopped himself from staring for too long. Like always, he was overcome by the fear that if he didn’t stop, he’d get lost in them forever. Hyunjin wasn’t sure he wanted to grant that ability to Minho yet, even if he didn’t know why. Maybe it was fear; that Minho would take such vulnerability and run away with it, never to be seen again.)

**.**

“I can hear you thinking from here.” 

Hyunjin tenses, breath falling short. Minho’s voice, soft, travels over from where he’s lying on the other side of the queen bed. Hyunjin is close to falling with how tightly he’s plastered himself onto the edge of the bed, back facing towards Minho. 

Hyunjin turns until he’s lying on his back, face studying the ceiling, too scared to look over at the other. Minho’s eyes are burning into the side of his face. “Can’t sleep,” Hyunjin says. 

There’s a pause in the air. Maybe Minho’s debating what to say next. Maybe he won’t say anything at all and that’ll be that. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Minho asks. If it wasn’t for their past Hyunjin wouldn’t be able to decipher the slight hesitancy behind the question. It’s an olive branch, anyone would be able to tell, but Hyunjin’s never done well with just olive branches. They were too passive. Any arguments, any disagreements were dealt with directly. Oftentimes it led to voices raised and fists thrown, but Hyunjin has grown from that. It didn’t mean, however, that he would just sweep whatever animosity between him and the other person under the rug and be done with it. 

So he gathers all the courage he has left in his heart, the part of it that wasn’t scared to reach out for a guiding hand, to tell someone that he needs help, support, love, affection, _anything_. That part of him hasn’t been listened to ever since Minho and he had broken up. Heartbreak became unimportant in the face of seven other men chasing the same dream as you. He would always put the team first, but, quietly, Hyunjin thinks he can allow himself one selfish moment. 

He turned on his side, eyes tracing the sharp lines of Minho’s jawline. Sharp. 

“Why did you end things?” _You. Why did_ **_you_**. Maybe it was wrong for Hyunjin to pin all the blame on Minho, he let him walk out of that practice room just as much as Minho took the steps himself. But love is cruel and Hyunjin is only a player of its game. 

“We’re seriously doing this now?”

“Yes.” Hyunjin is going to stand his ground this time.

He watches as Minho swallows, a hazy look crossing his face. Hyunjin wishes now, more than ever, that he could read Minho the way Jisung was always able to. 

“I already told you why.”

“Saying you didn’t see a point anymore isn’t telling me why, hyung. I want to know _why_. Why did you suddenly decide that we weren’t worth fighting for anymore? That I wasn’t worth fighting for anymore.” 

“Hyunjin,” _Hyunjin._ “let’s go to sleep, it’s late.”

“Hyung,” Hyunjin pleads, voice wavering. “Minho hyung, _please_ . You can’t just—,” Hyunjin cuts himself off, frustration slipping into the cracks of his voice. He doesn’t know why he expected anything different this time. 

Minho turns to him then, and Hyunjin almost thinks he’s going to tell him to go to sleep again, but instead his gaze softens. There’s a long moment of silence before: “Okay, Hyunjinnie, okay.” He looks at him for another moment before turning to his side, “Come here,” beckoning Hyunjin closer with his hand. 

Whenever Minho and Hyunjin would fight, or argue, when the two of them were dating, there needed to be a point of contact between them. Hyunjin’s face pressed into Minho’s chest, Minho’s hand enveloping Hyunjin’s larger ones, pinkies curled together; whatever it was, just as long as they could feel each other. Minho is never quick to anger, like almost everything else he does, he takes arguments in stride. It’s Hyunjin who’s the opposite, always the first to anger, to get hurt, to get upset. But Minho’s carefree nature wasn’t necessarily a good thing, not for their relationship at least. It’s hard for Hyunjin, someone who cares so much how the people he loves see him, to figure out whether Minho really cares sometimes. Hyunjin could be yelling, tears of frustration gathering in his eyes and yet he still wouldn’t see anything reflected back at him. 

Them touching each other is to say _I’m here. I care, I do_ and for Hyunjin to tell himself to _breathe_. Maybe it’s weird, but it was what worked for them back when they were a them. Hyunjin thinks it would just feel weird now. Like seeing a cookie in front of you, but not being able to eat it.

Regardless, Hyunjin settles into Minho’s arms. Their heads face towards each other and their legs tangle together. One of Minho’s arms is thrown across his abdomen, the other brushing back hair strands from Hyunjin’s face. It takes another minute or two, what really feels like an hour, before Minho starts speaking.

“You’re so beautiful, you know that, Hyunjin,” it doesn’t feel like a question, “you know what I mean, right? Everything you do, everything you look at; I’ve never seen someone with so much love. You’d bend over backwards if it meant someone else would be happy, you don’t even realize how thinly it stretches you out. The toll it takes on you. But it’s okay, it’s okay as long as there’s someone there who can put you back together. Someone who will bend over backwards for _you_ . That’s the type of person you need. I want—” 

A pause. A fingertip grazing Hyunjin’s cheek.

“I wanted really badly to be that person for you.”

“You were, hyung, You were— you _are_ . I don’t unders— **”**

“It didn’t feel like it. Hyunjin, you _know_ I stopped being that person for you towards the end. I stopped being the one you came to at the end of the day. We gave each other more reasons to upset than we did help each other rewind. You stopped trusting me.” 

(Late nights curled up on his bed, the space behind him empty. Curtains drawn closed. Phone screen lit up and endless comments. _Soulmates, soulmates_. What were they?)

Hyunjin feels the beginnings of anger, upset, _frustration_ settle somewhere deep inside his chest. His gaze flies up from where it’s locked on his hand, fingers curled around the fabric of Minho’s shirt, up to Minho’s eyes. He fights to keep his voice at a whisper. 

“That’s not fair. That’s not fair, you know it isn’t. I may have stopped trusting you, hyung, but you’re the one that stopped giving me reasons to.”

(Late nights curled up on his bed, the space behind him empty. Voices carrying over from the other room, soft laughter and tiny giggles. The space behind him. Empty.) 

“It was never— Hyung, I never thought you did anything. I didn’t. But it stopped feeling like you wanted to do things with _me_ , it felt like I was the second choice. Maybe it’s selfish, but it didn’t feel like I was your priority anymore. I—I’d like to think you were mine.”

Minho swallows. His eyes look glossy, but Hyunjin isn’t sure if that’s just wishful thinking. “You were, baby.” 

“Don’t call me that,'' Hyunjin doesn’t mean it. “You’re really mean, hyung.” He says it just to say it. “Asshole,” now Hyunjin’s just whining. 

There’s an imprint of a smile on Minho’s lips, small and playful. “I know.”

“I’m sorry,” Hyunjin shoots him a small smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He doesn’t explain what he’s apologizing for; he thinks Minho knows anyway. Because in the end, Hyunjin knows he expected too much from Minho, trying to push the older into a role that he couldn’t fit no matter how hard he contorted and twisted himself. Their relationship was all sharp jabs and teasing touches. Rough hands and stolen kisses. Nothing like the warm fuzziness Hyunjin always thought his first relationship would be. 

The moonlight streams in through the windows, reflecting off of Minho’s cheekbones. Everything about him looks so soft in this moment and Hyunjin so badly wants to touch until all he can feel, see, and think about is Minho.

(Hyunjin loved the moments when Minho and him would take a break from practicing together until late at night the most. Practice rooms that were always a touch too quiet once the music turned off, bare hallways, and fogged up mirrors. Like a resting stop between two different worlds. 

He’d look up at Minho from where his head rested on Minho’s lap, he couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away from the soft curl of Minho’s lips. Unable to hold himself back, Hyunjin would pull Minho down from the back of his neck until they were kissing. The first kiss would always be soft, just a gentle press of lips together. Hyunjin could feel Minho’s smile against his mouth to the point that Hyunjin couldn’t hold in his own. He pulled away from the kiss, moving around until he was in Minho’s lap. Anyone who walked by would see a dark practice room, only lit by the surrounding hallway lights. 

Hyunjin pressed his lips harder against Minho’s until their mouths moved together in a searing kiss. A low heat was pooling in Hyunjin’s stomach. Minho’s hands, dangerously low on Hyunjin’s back and pulling him closer until there wasn’t an inch of space between them, weren’t helping either. They never went past just kissing; not outside the dorms at least, but for just a few moments they would let themselves get lost in the feeling until they were panting against each other’s mouths.

Hyunjin loved these moments the most because for all he wanted, he could finally _take_.)

But it isn’t his right to want anymore. No, that right was taken away from him when they broke up. It doesn’t matter that he still loves Minho; he had made it clear that it wasn’t reciprocated. And despite the arms wrapped around him now, Hyunjin doesn’t want to chance ruining the tentative peace in the air by taking that first step forward.

Hyunjin is broken from his thoughts by a hand on his chin tilting his head up. “I can see you getting lost up there, angel. Come back to me,” Minho whispers. 

“You haven’t called me that in a while,” Hyunjin says, a shocked laugh forcing its way from his lips.

“Hmm, you’re right.” Minho grins. “Guess I missed saying it.” 

God, does Hyunjin want.

“Hyung,” Hyunjin whispers, “I need you to tell me what you want right now.” The _I can’t read your mind, you need to ask for this_ was left unsaid. It isn’t Hyunjin’s place anymore. He’ll allow himself at least this much selfishness. If Minho wants something from him, from them then he needs to be the one to say it. At this point Hyunjin wasn’t sure there was anything that he would deny him.

“I want you.”

Hyunjin breathes in sharply. He must be hallucinating.

“I’ve always wanted you, angel.” Sincerity was written plainly across Minho’s features. 

“You’re the one who broke up with me,” Hyunjin swallows back the lump forming in the back of his throat, eyes turning misty. 

( _“What? Hyung, what are you saying?”_ )

Minho grabs at both of Hyunjin’s hands, pulling them to his chest. The look on his face could be classified as the visual representation of heartbreak, maybe despair? “I know,” his voice sounds resigned. He’s… not pushing it?

( _“I just don’t think it’s worth it anymore. I don’t know what else you want me to say.”_ )

No matter how much Hyunjin should, he can’t tear his hands away from Minho’s. It’s late, it’s so late, literally and figuratively; they shouldn’t be doing this. Hyunjin doesn’t know how they ended up here, but it’s probably too late to stop things now. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to stop this just yet. “ _You_ gave up on us, hyung. You decided to walk away. Things weren’t perfect, we had our issues, but I never left, hyung. I stayed. I can’t do this again if you’re not going to stay.” 

Maybe he was being too harsh; Minho wasn’t the only reason their relationship had started crumbling, but Hyunjin’s heart is easy to bruise, even easier to break, and he doesn’t think he could go through the pain of losing Minho a second time. There was no way he could come back from that while being in the same group.

Minho nods at Hyunjin’s words. “I know. I know. I’m sorry, Hyunjinnie. I should’ve never— I should’ve never left that day or said those words. You don’t know how much I regret it. And I do, I regret it so much.” His grips on Hyunjin’s hands tightens, desperation leaks into his voice. “I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for doing that, not when I know how much it hurt you.” 

“I don’t want your apology, hyung.” He did, he did, _he did_. “I just want you to promise me—”

“Anything.”

“Promise me you won’t leave again. Even if things get hard. You’ll try.” 

“I promise.”

It’s so quiet. 

Hyunjin thought those words would ease the pain in his heart, would loosen the knot tied around his lungs. 

But.

( _I just don’t see the point anymore_.

Meaning _I don’t see the point of being with you anymore._ )

Hyunjin closes his eyes, wrinkles appearing across his forehead from how hard he was keeping them shut. It hurt to get his next words out. “I don’t believe you, hyung.” He wanted to. He wants, he wants, _he wants_.

Minho lets out a shuddering breath, “I know.”

Hyunjin moves to take his hands out of Minho’s, but Minho’s grip on them tightens instead. Lips part around empty air. _Hyung_ , he thinks he says, _we should go to sleep_ , but nothing comes out. There’s a fire in Minho’s eyes, determined. If it’s even possible, he pulls Hyunjin closer than he was before. Their chests are touching now and Hyunjin can feel the warmth radiating from Minho. 

Minho’s only a breath away from him now. Hyunjin can’t look up at him. His gaze is focused on Minho’s lips, catlike and soft. He wonders if they feel just as soft as they look, if they feel different now from what they did before. When his gaze flickers up, Hyunjin finds Minho’s eyes already steadfast on him. It looks like he’s asking for permission. Hyunjin’s never been good at denying Minho anything. He closes his eyes and leans in until their foreheads are almost touching. 

For a second, nothing happens and Hyunjin’s sure he’s already messed up somehow. He’s about to pull away when, finally, there’s a light pressure against his lips. Hyunjin melts into it. Kissing always came easy for them. The feeling of Minho’s hand climbing up to his hair, turning Hyunjin’s head to the side with his grip. They kiss until it’s not really kissing anymore, just harsh breaths intermingling. Hyunjin is splayed out on top of Minho, his legs are wrapped around Minho’s waist, caging him in. And then they keep kissing until the feverish, hungry touches turn soft and gentle as they try to pour as much love and affection into the kiss as they can. 

When they part they don’t speak. There’s nothing left to say, not tonight. Instead, they fold into each other like it’s in their nature. Every inch of their skin is touching. 

They fall asleep like that, with Hyunjin’s head resting against Minho’s chest. The older has his back against the mattress, legs tangled with Hyunjin’s. There are hands gently brushing through Hyunjin’s long hair, lulling him to sleep. Hyunjin falls asleep to the steady rhythm of Minho’s heart beating underneath him. 

**.**

(They’re walking back to the dorms, hands swinging together between them. It’s late, edging on 4 am; the likeliness of anyone seeing them low. 

Hyunjin lets out a sharp giggle when Minho pulls him back abruptly into his chest. Their footsteps come to a stop as they lean into each other’s space. Hyunjin sees Minho eyeing his mouth and smirks.

“If you want to kiss me then you should just say so, Lee Minho,” he singsongs, placing childlike emphasis on the syllables of Minho’s name. 

Minho hums, clearly trying to hold back a smile. It’s a waste, Hyunjin can see it tugging at the sides of his mouth. “Oh, really? I guess I might just have to then, Hwang Hyunjin.” Minho mimics Hyunjin’s tone.

He laughs loudly when Minho pecks his lips. And in a very Hyunjin like manner, once he’s started he can’t seem to stop, so he shoves his face into the space between Minho’s neck and shoulder to muffle his giggles. Minho can feel Hyunjin’s grin digging into the skin of his throat. “I love you,” Minho whispers into Hyunjin’s hair, surprisingly tender.

Hyunjin’s chest fills with warmth. “I love you most, Lee Minho.”)

**Author's Note:**

> [twt](https://twitter.com/litaegi) [cc](https://curiouscat.me/litaegi)
> 
> so like. honestly I had a way I wanted this to happen. a real set specific path. and then halfway through my fingers just literally said no fuck u and did whatever they wanted. idk what's happened to me, I used to hate writing angst and now it's all I can do :0
> 
> I originally wanted them to get back together by the end of the fic, and also a lot more crying, but it just didn't seem realistic for me that they would do that so quickly. a lot of their issues stemmed from not communicating and getting themselves on the same page. I think they're gonna need a lot more talking, or at least a more serious talk at a more proper time, to sort things out and see where they want to go from there! I definitely think they do get back together though, they just have to realize that relationships take compromise on both parts
> 
> also there was alluding to cheating (during the "you stopped trusting me" part) but there was NO actual cheating, hyunjin quickly clears that up too. surprisingly I got really attached to these two in this fic so :( if you ever want to talk more about them please dm me on twt !!! or message me on cc
> 
> comments are really appreciated !!! I hope you enjoyed reading :D


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